Elusive Ink

Currently Listening
Walk Like An Egyptian
The Bangles



I'd intended to go running this morning, but I didn't get up quite early enough, and it's raining so I decided to sit and enjoy some cinnamon rolls and coffee instead. I was dreading coming upstairs -- for good reason, I'm not sure why but no one in our household is a morning person. It seems that the majority of the bickering and bad attitudes around here occurs in the mornings - although it could also be that I am not a morning person, and that makes me more aware of the bickering going on around me. Regardless, mornings around our house are typically not very relaxing. This morning I'm listening to all of the kids trying to guilt trip me because I was exhausted after work yesterday, and chose to spend the evening alone working on organizing some stuff, rather than watching a "family movie" with them. Their comments make me want to spend less time with them, not more. Not that I don't love my siblings, I just struggle with feeling really conflicted about their comments.

Sometimes I feel like my life is just a database of lists. When I finish one, I start the next. I have a list on my palm written between customers at work, a constantly-changing list of "man, I forgot about something else!" stuff on my dry erase board. (The one that, ironically, I bought for Nathan last November. :P ) I usually have post-its in my pockets of people I need to email, and things I would like to get at the grocery store. There's always a taskpaper document, and two to five textedit files open on my computer with lists of things I need to buy (one for short-term, one for long-term) and remember, college things, day-to-day things, ideas for photoshoots and short-stories. I tried to condense all of my lists into one huge massive list-database at one point, with tabs for each catagory. That just, didn't work for me. It was too disorganized. I can't have my list all in one place! I need my to-buy list on my desktop, my grocery store list on a post-it, my kitchen inventory on google docs, my short story idea list on my coffee table, my goal list on the floor under a pile of DVDs, etc. etc. etc. I'm not sure why, but somehow having them all combined led to me never having the right list at the right time, and rewriting them all.

I blame my list-addiction completely and fully on my good friend Grace. This is karma coming back to kick me in the rear, for making fun of her the past 10 years about her list-making. (Not that I really believe in karma, of course...)

Anyhow, one of my favorite lists at the moment is my luau-planning list. A few weeks ago Mom and I decided we wanted to have a party, to celebrate the girls birthday, 4th of july, my graduation, etc. It has become more about my Graduation that I'd expected - which I'm actually more excited about than I thought I'd be. I never wanted to have a graduation ceremony - I still don't. But the prospect of having friends come in from out-of-state, and neighbors, and family all gathered to celebrate sounds like a good plan to me! Despite the fact that I haven't always been the most diligent student, I do try hard and have decided to be proud of the accomplishments I have made in the past several years. My faith has been strengthened beyond belief, and I continue to learn and grow as a person, a daughter, christian, friend, and human being. Because I've felt undeserving of celebration lately, I decided to make a list of some of the things I've accomplished over the course of highschool that I'm proud of.

1. A Great Relationship with My Parents.

I'm very thankful for, and proud of my relationship with my parents. I enjoy them, we enjoy hanging out together and watching movies. Not something most seniors would boast about, but it's something that brings so much to my life. I definitely feel like maintaining a closeness with my Mom, and developing a strong relationship with and respect for Dad (overcoming the challenges of blending families, and him coming into my life at 15) has been one of the most important accomplishments of my highschool years.

2. Surviving my Grandma, and still being PaPa's Girl

Just kidding, Grandma. I am so thankful for having such a strong bond with my Grandparents. My Grandma has shared so much wisdom with me, and contributed so much to my life. I'm grateful for her pushing through my obnoxious, know-it-all preteen years to be able to push me, and support me, and love me throughout highschool. And even when I don't quite understand the depth of PaPa's insight into life, the universe, and everything - I am always glad to know that "even if I come in last, he'll still love me."

3. Maintaining Integrity in Friendships

Okay, so all friendships falter at times - but I'm proud of how many friends, mentors, and practically-family-members I've been blessed to have in my life and keep in touch with over the past several years. Despite arguments, drama, gossip, lonliness, frustration, and moving - it's always comforting to know that there are friendship that will remain through all the crap.

4. Growing in my faith.

5. My Photography in the Design Museum in London!

What can I say? Sometimes recognition is just...satisfying. Call me shallow, but it's exciting!

6. Working hard, and being successful in my job.

7. Growing as a friend, and gaining wisdom about relationships and conflict resolution.

8. Building my photography portfolio, and website.

9. Learning to Swing Dance.

10. Making the time to visit Fonseca before he passed away, and writing an article that really honored his memory.

11. Finishing several paintings.

12. Learning good financial habits. (I'm still learning, but I've come a long way!)

13. Working successfully as a freelance graphic designer for four years.

14. Playing in a bluegrass band.


Those are all the things I can think of right now, there might be more. I am proud of myself, and I feel like I have accomplished a lot, and opened up opportunities that will take me on unimaginable adventures. :)

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Enough long-term daydreamer stuff for a bit. I should probably refocus on my short-term to-do list. I'm good at multitasking, but it's still difficult to strike a balance at times.

My to-do list for the week looks something like this, and I hope to repost it at the end of the week with it all completed:


- Work out at least 5 times
- Get A New Social Security Card
- Call PayPal to Have Them Change Acct. Name
- Deposit Paycheck
- Ship out Grace's Box
- Email Ginny's Picture
- Take Driver's Permit Test
- Make Progress on Father's Day Gift
- Finish and Mail Letter to Harry N.
- Order Grad. Invites
- Submit FAFSA
- Work out a time to take ASSET test at A.I.
- Organize Summer Calendar/Contacts, and sync to iPhone
- Reorganize Baking/Spice Cabinets in Kitchen
- Go Through Closet (Store Winter Clothes in Tubs in the Top)
- Update Resume
- Make Molly a Gabba Shirt
- Maintain Laundry
- Take at least 10 new pictures for my portfolio
- Finish Reading "Specials"
- Work out details for Luau
- Find out Times for Star Trek Premiere (IMAX)

Since I am the most forgetful person on the face of the planet, I know I have forgotten something. At the moment, however, it doesn't seem particularly important.

I have a new favorite "thing" - our stir crazy popcorn machine. It's like a stress-less magic life-improvement machine. There's something about real, freshly popped popcorn, with real butter that is deeply satisfying. The only hassel is the cleanup - it's not quite as easy to clean as microwave popcorn, but certainly worth the extra bit of effort.

It's now pouring outside, which is making me dread going to work even more. Sunday mornings at work always prove to be slow and boring, and Mary warned me yesterday that she was planning on being in a crazy cleaning mood this morning, and rearrange all the understock. I really would like a different job, that I would have a change of advancing through the ranks. Regardless of how hard I work at my current job, there are three people with seniority over me, and that makes for very little motivation. Somehow our little coaching logs posted on the bulletin board just doesn't quite cut it for me. Don't get me wrong: I do work hard, and make sure things get done. It's just frustrating for me, because I could do a terrible job, and still maintain my status as an employee. Oh well.

I need to go try and find some clean work clothes, and clean up some things a bit before getting ready for work.

-Lindsey