Elusive Ink

Currently Listening
1, 2, 3, 4
Plain White T's



While the title of this post may sound like a negative - it's been a really positive week or so. Last week at this time I had the opportunity to be the photographer for the Veteran's Convention, hosted by the Circle of Friends for American Veterans in D.C. It was a great event, and I really enjoyed learning more about the cause while expanding my portfolio. (Plus, talk about some GREAT networking, I handed out more business cards in one day there than I have in the past three months.)




My photography is really starting to pick up, and I'm in the process of upgrading equipment in preparation for several photoshoots in the next few months. It's nice to finally have some exposure and portfolio work that doesn't consist of my siblings and "that one picture that was in the Design Museum in London." As much of an honor as that was, and as impressive as it looks on a resume - it's one photograph. Geeking out for a moment: I got my first piece of new equipment in the mail yesterday --- my 50mm prime lens. It's a beautiful thing. Today I'm gonna run grab my paycheck and tomorrow I will be ordering some lighting eqipment from alienbees.


A few days ago my wonderful boyfriend, Nathan, encouraged me to go a week without makeup/hairdryer, etc. I had been really stressed out and focused on my weight and appearance and was talking with him about how disappointed in myself I was that I was so focused on unimportant things. So, I put away my makeup and hairdryer and have been focusing on skincare, eating right, and exercising. I've been running about a mile a day for the past few days and I feel great. I'm glad to get this kick-start to the summer, Nathan will be moving here for the summer in 6 days and we've committed ourselves to encouraging each other to be active and healthy. (SIX DAYS! I AM SO EXCITED!) He is from California, and we typically see each other for a week every few months. I am thrilled to have him here for three entire months.



Following the thread of lifestyle changes and healthier living, I've taken on the challenge of planning an entire two-week menu for our family with all healthy choices, AND staying within our budget. I've recently become addicted to several "money-saving Moms" blogs, so I'm anxious to try out some of the tricks I've learned. It is a challenge because I have to find several recipes that the kids can fix: easy, quick, healthy, budget-concious. I'm really looking forward to it, I figure if I can do it for 8 people (9, if you consider the fact that Nathan will be here by that time and will most likely be eating over here.) then when I have a family of my own and am buying/budgeting/cooking for 2, or 3, I'll be an old pro!

Time to go be productive now - I've set the goal of getting all of the laundry done today, my coffee cup needs to be refilled, and I have a powerpoint presentation to try an throw together. :D

More soon, hopefully!
-Lindsey

I had about 20 minutes before the dryer buzzes, and then I subsequently start browning the ground beef for dinner and thought I'd get out a quick blog post.

First of all...an update on my to-do list from last week. I didn't get it all done but I'm very proud of how productive I've been over the past few weeks, and even today.

- Work out at least 5 times (Not quite - only 3.)
- Get A New Social Security Card
- Call PayPal to Have Them Change Acct. Name
- Deposit Paycheck
- Ship out Grace's Box
- Email Ginny's Picture
- Take Driver's Permit Test
- Make Progress on Father's Day Gift
- Finish and Mail Letter to Harry N.
- Order Grad. Invites
- Submit FAFSA
- Work out a time to take ASSET test at A.I.
- Organize Summer Calendar/Contacts, and sync to iPhone
- Reorganize Baking/Spice Cabinets in Kitchen
- Go Through Closet (Store Winter Clothes in Tubs in the Top)
- Update Resume
- Make Molly a Gabba Shirt
- Maintain Laundry
- Take at least 10 new pictures for my portfolio
- Finish Reading "Specials"
- Work out details for Luau
- Find out Times for Star Trek Premiere (IMAX)
- Register For Veteran's Event
- Make Optometrist Appt for Contacts
- Polished Vector of T.E. Logo


So while, I didn't get it all done I managed to do enough that I was proud. I also was able to do some things that weren't on the list, and landed a few photography gigs that I'm excited about.
Of course the list never ends, it only changes. I've managed to battle the Mean Monday Blues today, and win thusfar. I've gotten six loads of laundry done, the kitchen is clean, dinner is prepped and should only take 10 minutes to finish off, I made five phone calls, and even did some oxyclean on a few stains on the carpet.

Whups, the dryer just buzzed! More later.

Well, I have about ten minutes before I have to go to work so I decided while I was scarfing down my bagel and trying to down (at least) coffee #1 that I'd write a quick post.

If it hasn't become painfully clear by this point...I like to have things planned. As much as I enjoy spontaneity, for the most part, life seems much simpler if you have a plan -- along with the knowledge that nothing will follow the plan exactly, and allow for deviations.

I've been trying to convince myself for quite sometime to become a morning person. I always enjoy my day more, and feel more productive when I get up early and accomplish something, and get to sleep at a decent time. (And get enough sleep!) Finally, I've come upon a good reason to become a morning person...it also goes hand in hand with my commitment to live a healthier lifestyle. Nathan and I have decided to get up in the mornings during the summer to go for a walk/run/jog/jaunt...whatever. :P I'm really excited about this, just being able to chat with him for 30 minutes before we get our days started sounds like a good plan to me - and jogging/running is one of the best ways to stay in shape. I was going to suggest biking but he'll be biking every morning to the bus station and I figured that was just cruel. It works nicely because I get my re-adjusted schedule, neither of us feel pressured to stay up late, and I'll get the majority of things I need to done in a day before Nathan gets in from his internship.

Last night I was very excited to finally figure out what I needed to jump-start my photography career. I'm working on some posters, and marketing for my plan right now - so I'll definitely have to share that later on tonight.

Don't you love when inspiration strikes?

I'm feeling really good and productive today - I got several loads of laundry done yesterday, got my entire apartment re-arranged and organized -- including moving all of my DVDs into one of those huge 500-disc wallets, and moving all the plastic cases into the back of my storage closet. That freed up space for some of my kitchen stuff on my DVD shelves.

I've already gotten two loads of laundry done this morning too. Hip-hip-hooray for productivity.

I've gotta run to work now, more later.

-Lindsey

Currently Listening
Walk Like An Egyptian
The Bangles



I'd intended to go running this morning, but I didn't get up quite early enough, and it's raining so I decided to sit and enjoy some cinnamon rolls and coffee instead. I was dreading coming upstairs -- for good reason, I'm not sure why but no one in our household is a morning person. It seems that the majority of the bickering and bad attitudes around here occurs in the mornings - although it could also be that I am not a morning person, and that makes me more aware of the bickering going on around me. Regardless, mornings around our house are typically not very relaxing. This morning I'm listening to all of the kids trying to guilt trip me because I was exhausted after work yesterday, and chose to spend the evening alone working on organizing some stuff, rather than watching a "family movie" with them. Their comments make me want to spend less time with them, not more. Not that I don't love my siblings, I just struggle with feeling really conflicted about their comments.

Sometimes I feel like my life is just a database of lists. When I finish one, I start the next. I have a list on my palm written between customers at work, a constantly-changing list of "man, I forgot about something else!" stuff on my dry erase board. (The one that, ironically, I bought for Nathan last November. :P ) I usually have post-its in my pockets of people I need to email, and things I would like to get at the grocery store. There's always a taskpaper document, and two to five textedit files open on my computer with lists of things I need to buy (one for short-term, one for long-term) and remember, college things, day-to-day things, ideas for photoshoots and short-stories. I tried to condense all of my lists into one huge massive list-database at one point, with tabs for each catagory. That just, didn't work for me. It was too disorganized. I can't have my list all in one place! I need my to-buy list on my desktop, my grocery store list on a post-it, my kitchen inventory on google docs, my short story idea list on my coffee table, my goal list on the floor under a pile of DVDs, etc. etc. etc. I'm not sure why, but somehow having them all combined led to me never having the right list at the right time, and rewriting them all.

I blame my list-addiction completely and fully on my good friend Grace. This is karma coming back to kick me in the rear, for making fun of her the past 10 years about her list-making. (Not that I really believe in karma, of course...)

Anyhow, one of my favorite lists at the moment is my luau-planning list. A few weeks ago Mom and I decided we wanted to have a party, to celebrate the girls birthday, 4th of july, my graduation, etc. It has become more about my Graduation that I'd expected - which I'm actually more excited about than I thought I'd be. I never wanted to have a graduation ceremony - I still don't. But the prospect of having friends come in from out-of-state, and neighbors, and family all gathered to celebrate sounds like a good plan to me! Despite the fact that I haven't always been the most diligent student, I do try hard and have decided to be proud of the accomplishments I have made in the past several years. My faith has been strengthened beyond belief, and I continue to learn and grow as a person, a daughter, christian, friend, and human being. Because I've felt undeserving of celebration lately, I decided to make a list of some of the things I've accomplished over the course of highschool that I'm proud of.

1. A Great Relationship with My Parents.

I'm very thankful for, and proud of my relationship with my parents. I enjoy them, we enjoy hanging out together and watching movies. Not something most seniors would boast about, but it's something that brings so much to my life. I definitely feel like maintaining a closeness with my Mom, and developing a strong relationship with and respect for Dad (overcoming the challenges of blending families, and him coming into my life at 15) has been one of the most important accomplishments of my highschool years.

2. Surviving my Grandma, and still being PaPa's Girl

Just kidding, Grandma. I am so thankful for having such a strong bond with my Grandparents. My Grandma has shared so much wisdom with me, and contributed so much to my life. I'm grateful for her pushing through my obnoxious, know-it-all preteen years to be able to push me, and support me, and love me throughout highschool. And even when I don't quite understand the depth of PaPa's insight into life, the universe, and everything - I am always glad to know that "even if I come in last, he'll still love me."

3. Maintaining Integrity in Friendships

Okay, so all friendships falter at times - but I'm proud of how many friends, mentors, and practically-family-members I've been blessed to have in my life and keep in touch with over the past several years. Despite arguments, drama, gossip, lonliness, frustration, and moving - it's always comforting to know that there are friendship that will remain through all the crap.

4. Growing in my faith.

5. My Photography in the Design Museum in London!

What can I say? Sometimes recognition is just...satisfying. Call me shallow, but it's exciting!

6. Working hard, and being successful in my job.

7. Growing as a friend, and gaining wisdom about relationships and conflict resolution.

8. Building my photography portfolio, and website.

9. Learning to Swing Dance.

10. Making the time to visit Fonseca before he passed away, and writing an article that really honored his memory.

11. Finishing several paintings.

12. Learning good financial habits. (I'm still learning, but I've come a long way!)

13. Working successfully as a freelance graphic designer for four years.

14. Playing in a bluegrass band.


Those are all the things I can think of right now, there might be more. I am proud of myself, and I feel like I have accomplished a lot, and opened up opportunities that will take me on unimaginable adventures. :)

---

Enough long-term daydreamer stuff for a bit. I should probably refocus on my short-term to-do list. I'm good at multitasking, but it's still difficult to strike a balance at times.

My to-do list for the week looks something like this, and I hope to repost it at the end of the week with it all completed:


- Work out at least 5 times
- Get A New Social Security Card
- Call PayPal to Have Them Change Acct. Name
- Deposit Paycheck
- Ship out Grace's Box
- Email Ginny's Picture
- Take Driver's Permit Test
- Make Progress on Father's Day Gift
- Finish and Mail Letter to Harry N.
- Order Grad. Invites
- Submit FAFSA
- Work out a time to take ASSET test at A.I.
- Organize Summer Calendar/Contacts, and sync to iPhone
- Reorganize Baking/Spice Cabinets in Kitchen
- Go Through Closet (Store Winter Clothes in Tubs in the Top)
- Update Resume
- Make Molly a Gabba Shirt
- Maintain Laundry
- Take at least 10 new pictures for my portfolio
- Finish Reading "Specials"
- Work out details for Luau
- Find out Times for Star Trek Premiere (IMAX)

Since I am the most forgetful person on the face of the planet, I know I have forgotten something. At the moment, however, it doesn't seem particularly important.

I have a new favorite "thing" - our stir crazy popcorn machine. It's like a stress-less magic life-improvement machine. There's something about real, freshly popped popcorn, with real butter that is deeply satisfying. The only hassel is the cleanup - it's not quite as easy to clean as microwave popcorn, but certainly worth the extra bit of effort.

It's now pouring outside, which is making me dread going to work even more. Sunday mornings at work always prove to be slow and boring, and Mary warned me yesterday that she was planning on being in a crazy cleaning mood this morning, and rearrange all the understock. I really would like a different job, that I would have a change of advancing through the ranks. Regardless of how hard I work at my current job, there are three people with seniority over me, and that makes for very little motivation. Somehow our little coaching logs posted on the bulletin board just doesn't quite cut it for me. Don't get me wrong: I do work hard, and make sure things get done. It's just frustrating for me, because I could do a terrible job, and still maintain my status as an employee. Oh well.

I need to go try and find some clean work clothes, and clean up some things a bit before getting ready for work.

-Lindsey

Currently Listening
In This Life
Chantal Kreviazuk



I fully expect this post to be pretty spazzy. Consider yourself warned. Got up at 5:30 this morning to be able to wash the pots left over from last night's dinner, shower, and get ready for work before Mom, Molly, and I left to go hunt for deals at yard sales. Despite the rainy weather causing there to be fewer sales than we'd hoped for - we found some good buys and enjoyed spending the morning together. (Although, Note to Self: Next time take coffee.) Because there weren't as many garage sales as we'd expected, we took advantage of the extra time before I had to be at work - to check out the local farmer's market, and the Salvation Army. Both had been on our lists of things to do for a while. Salvation Army wasn't all too exciting (but that was our last stop, and we were pretty soaked from the rain), we did discover some fantastic things at the Farmer's Market, and I look forward to spending more Saturday mornings there in the future. Preferrably when it isn't cold and windy. Not that rain isn't exhilerating.

I was desperate for coffee by the time I got to work, and grabbed one for my friend/coworker, Mary as well. Her drink is a venti whole milk latte, and of course the starbucks where I work was out of whole milk. I think that just got Mary's day started off on a bad note, because from the moment I arrived at work, she looked frazzled, and was in a terrible mood! All I have to say is: poor us!! Don't worry people, Mary knows and admits to having had a poor attitude - and won't take offense at reading this here.

I felt bad, because I struggle with feeling like I don't work hard enough, or contribute enough at home. (Despite everyone's assurances that I do more than enough.) Mary kept saying that "no one ever does their job right around here" and I don't think I was very sympathetic, because I was trying to not take it personally, and contribute to my bad habit of false guilt at not working hard enough.

The outlet was extremely busy today (some good sales going on!) and yet still our sales were terrible. Apparently brightly colored cast iron pots are not a priority in the lives of some. Maybe they're only a priority for me because I get a nice discount, and don't have so many bills to pay. I make it a prority, because my Le Creuset collection is an investment, they're all lifetime guaranteed - and hopefully my children's children will inherit them someday.

So, let's see...things that are on my mind lately. I really need to finish reading my chemistry book - it's at the top of my to-do list. Aside from that, and a few other loose ends I'm pretty much finished with school. I'm certainly not doing anything full-time as far as my academics are concerned lately - I've been more preoccupied with work and home. I'm very conflicted where college is concerned, and still haven't decided if that will be something I'll pursue this fall. I am still gathering information - and financial details and options, but the more I think and pray about it the more I am convicted that it is not something worth going into debt for. I would much rather spend the next few years building good credit, and pursuing my career on my own. Obviously that would be a difficult path to take emotionally, it will be harder for me to build a reputation as an artist without a degree. Fortunately, it won't be as hard as it would be if I were in another field. People want certification for their doctors, dentists, accountants, teachers, and contractors - but they expect something different from artists. I want to give the world something different, I want to show them passion, and I want my photography to reflect talent and joy for my trade. When a couple is looking for a wedding photographer - they are much more likely to choose a photographer whose work reflects the beauty and romance of wedding days...rather than someone who may have the technical skills, but possibly not the passion for their work. There is something to be said for pursuing what fulfills you.

On the other hand, with a degree I would be given opportunities that I wouldn't have otherwise. Not that God ever fails to put opportunities in my path, but is college one of those opportunities? How can I know, these things are never so obvious. There has been no full ride scholarship to allow me to be at peace about not going into debt over college. Am I supposed to put aside my no-debt conviction, or am I supposed to take the harder path? Would the college experience aid in my growth and development into a loving, nurturing future wife, mother, photographer, inkeeper, writer, etc. or will it force me to conform? All of these are questions that spin through my head constantly. The scariest thing? This is my decision. A big one. Not a decision like "do I want to buy an espresso maker?" or "is a prime lens, or a kitchenaid pro a better investment?" or "should I put in an application for a different job?" All of the "adult" decisions I've made thusfar have been insignificant in the long run. Well --- not insignificant, but, somehow they don't carry as much weight as this one. Of course, if I decide not to go to college right now, that doesn't mean that I will never go. But I am not going into this decision with my eyes closed, I know that the further people get from highschool, the less likely they are to go to college.

Why don't more adults go to college? Why isn't there a more economical way to learn a trade? Doesn't it make more sense to build good credit first, to save money and be financially stable before you go to college? Sometimes I wonder if the fact that college is what is supposed to get us to financial success is just a cruel irony. Someone sat down one day and said "let's start a school for all the not-quite-matured numbskulls, charge them inordinate amounts to get a piece of paper saying we saw to it that they were educated, and then charge interest for years to come so that they will always attribute their success to us...we'll never be far out of their minds!"

Could I be successful without college? Absolutely. I don't want to define success by finances, but I also don't want to dismiss finances and make whatever sacrifices necessary to go to college. I would regret that deeply.

So...with all of that being said, I decided the other day that there were too many things that I want to do to hold in my brain at one time. I wrote them all down. I had intended to keep it a handwritten list - but decided shortly thereafter that I wanted to be able to share it with Nathan, and typed it up. I hate feeling like every day is just another step on the treadmill, and wanted something I could refer to when I was feeling like I had no direction. Sort of like a metaphorical goal globe, spin it and see where your finger lands, and that becomes your project, or goal. Right now I really want to concentrate on maturing as an artist, not only in my photography - but getting back to my original passions, painting and writing. Daily to-do lists get so overwhelming sometimes. I lose sight of the things that are most important and fulfilling to me, personally.

I'll post the list at the end of this post for anyone who is curious. One of the things that I've really had on my heart and mind lately is daydreams of owning an inn. Anyone remember my "activity center" goal of the past ten or so years? This it the latest flavor, and the most developed so far. I want to do some drawings to try and illustrate what is in my head, but part of me is afraid to do so because I would just be disappointing. My imagination is so vivid. But to summarize my most recent version of the "plan" -- I've decided that I would really love to own an inn. It combines my love for taking care of people, having an "open door" with my other big plans and ideas. I always tell my friends and aquaintances that my door is always open - and it seems like it would be so fulfilling to do that for others. But there has to be something to set my inn apart from others. First of all: the library. It would be filled only with good, hearty, meaty books - classics, and "learning" books - no trashy novels. There will be extensive resources for anyone to be able to come and find whatever their passionate about, and learn more about it. The inn will host workshops, lectures, as well as "trade weekends" where guests can come and "trial run" anything from creative writing, to chemistry, to advanced mathematics, to plumbing and electrical work. We'll have guest speakers, and hands-on activities, at reasonable prices. The income will be supplemented with local monthly memberships - which allows people who live nearby to have access to the library, and discounted lectures and workshops. Another source of income will be our adjoining coffee shop (The "Carpe Diem" Cafe?) which will host local band performances, and support starving artists by featuring their work on the walls. Oh...and of course fantastic imported coffees! We'll have facilities that can be rented out for the use of lectures, business meetings, conferences (star trek convention? :P), swing dance, banquets, etc. and pair with local vendors to offer discounts on catering, event planning services, and of course photography! Maybe I'll take care of that part. I have also been toying with an idea of a small fee for table reservations in the cafe, for study groups, book clubs, etc. to be able to have a quiet "definite" atmosphere for meetings, without anyone having to take the responsibility of hosting. (Don't you hate it when you propose some sort of group activity and end up having to plan it all yourself - you try and communicate with plenty of advance notice, and yet people inevidibly get angry with you at the last minute because they had "no idea?")

Needless to say, I have a lot of ideas. Too many ideas! It's impossible to try and plan ways to accomplish all of the adventures that I want to have in this life, I want to impact people for the better. I want my life, and my business, and my family to reflect Christ's love, and acceptance.
It's a big goal, and hard to do sometimes...it's easy to get all judgey, especially when you're on the cashier side of the counter trying to deal with snobby customers, or trying to pick up the slack on something because no one else bothered to. But I do try, and I suppose that's all we can do. Pray, and try, and fail, and try some more.

I met our next door neighbors a few days ago, they all seem very nice - I wish I had more time to devote to cultivating a good neighborly relationship with them, and being helpful to their family. They're very sweet to us, and have been so eager to help in preparing for Nathan to move here over the summer. He will be renting out their basement apartment. Yes, I'm very excited. We have plans to learn to swing dance, and really commit to living active lifestyles this summer. All in preparation for the "big summer finale" of a trip to AR and a weekend at Bop on the Lake. (Note to self: Send off check and ticket form for Bop on the Lake monday.) I haven't talked a ton about Nathan on this blog, mostly because I don't want to be one of those girls who goes on and on about her boyfriend. I am, however, very thankful to have him in my life. He never ceases to amaze me, and I constantly find myself thinking in admiration "that's my guy." Not even important stuff - but the way he always shakes my Dad's hand without me having to remind or prompt him. The way he calls me "turtle" and says every happy couple in books and on TV reminds him of us. The way he kisses my forehead when I hug him. His commitment, and determination in every aspect of his life. I'm so proud to be his girl, and look forward to the challenges, rewards, and adventures this summer and our relationship will continue to bring.

Anyway, I promised myself an early sleep-time and finishing this DVD project that I've managed to drag out since Thursday tonight -- so I'd best stop rambling and go get busy! (Otherwise I'll be dragging at work tomorrow...again.) I haven't forgotten to post the list, though. So here we go.

For days, I have been attempting to finish a blog post with my own personal spicy chicken pancetta recipe. (Which is absolutely fantastic, I must say.) Now, I also have a stuffed purple potato recipe that needs to go along with it. Inspired, once again, by my favorite recipe blogger Heidi Swanson. My versions of the recipes continue to diverge to the point that I am really truely making them my own, and gaining the confidence to experiment with things I hadn't even heard of a year ago. My favorite ingredient at the moment is chile paste (sriracha) which seems to taste good with pretty much any entree.

Anyway, my good blogging/recipe intentions will have to be put off for yet another day. But I have tons of exciting things to write about when I get the time. My massive life-long to do list, lots of projects, work, summer plans, and our huge luau in June.

For now, however, I may actually sleep.