Elusive Ink

Currently Listening
Grace Like Rain
Todd Agnew



It's just one of those deary, bleak, overcast days where all I can do is wander through thought after thought and idea after idea. Imagining and hoping for all the things to come, and completely ignoring all of the things sitting right in front of me. (Namely, my chemistry book.) I'm so tired, despite the fact that I got ten hours sleep last night, and have had plenty of coffee today. I want to just go curl up and take a nap.

I'm so content with my life right now, my family's great, my new job is spectacular, I have money and am feeling confident in learning how to manage and budget it wisely. And honestly, I really am very content being single. But despite all this, I can't help getting a little jealous when my closest friends all have someone special, making holiday plans...or weekend parties, or just someone to sit with while they're mutually studying. I guess it's natural, to want something like that, but I feel like it contradicts all my feelings of peace and contentment about being single right now. Honestly, I wouldn't want the complications of a relationship...I have too many plans and goals to try and work around one more person. To be emotionally accountable to someone.

Not that I don't have special people in my life, I'm so thankful for close friends like Nathan, and Grace...yet on the other hand, they're all so far away and have lives of their own. I guess all I'm really saying is...I'm good on my own, but "Hey God, if you want to send someone my way...that'd be alright too." Hehe. Not that I haven't had interested guys lately, or even guys who I have mutual affection for, but with each one there's been some *thing* holding me back. Distance, personality conflict, political differences, or just a "feeling." That's okay, really–I'm in no rush to commit myself to anyone, and I figure that despite the fact that it hurts terribly to reject, and worse to be rejected...that they deserve someone who cares about them without reservation. Without any doubts, or "off" feelings. Better to just realize that early on and give them the opportunity to find someone who will completely adore them, than lead people on and on to a more painful rejection.

Regardless of any romance and relationship conflicts within myself, petty jealousy vs. what I know I really don't need right now, I am really not lonely for the first time in a long time. I hang out with my parents, and have even started meeting people in this area to spend time with. (I'm actually going to Maryland with a friend of mine in a few hours.) Well, and of course I work with people in my job constantly, my coworkers, and customers.

Speaking of my job...have I mentioned it's spectacular? Really. I could not have asked for a better position, and am so thrilled to be working for a company that I've become so enthusiastic about. I honestly really love the Le Creuset products and have begun my own collection. The enameled cast iron is such a great idea–probably why the company has been around so long–and I love that it's so versatile: from the fridge, to the stovetop, to the oven, to the freezer, to the dishwasher...it's honestly so functional, and energy-efficient. It has all the benefits of raw cast iron, without the drawbacks. (Seasoning, washing by hand, etc.) I go home every night anxious to cook, wanting to try out all kinds of new recipes. And I haven't even gotten a cast iron piece yet! The coolest thing though, is their lifetime warranty, I had a lady come in the other day with her 25 year old Le Creuset cookware, and one of her pots had stained to the point of no return. She called warranty claims, and they're replacing her 25 year old pot, with a brand new one, for free. The company is really committed to providing great customer service, standing behind their product, and building a client base that will come back for more and more.

Ok, ok, no more about work, I promise. I know everyone's rolling their eyes by now. But wait until christmas when they all recieve and start using their new pots. They'll be just as thrilled as I am, I guarantee.

One thing I'm quickly discovering is that I love having money, but dislike spending it. (Until I actually do it, but then I'm really satisfied with whatever I've obsessed about for weeks before finally buying.) I'm having fun learning how to allocate my funds, and am currently almost to a point where I can buy one of the new macbook pros. Which, thanks to Jason, I found out I will be able to still transfer and edit video with. It's looking more and more like my brother will get my old macbook. Although I'm beginning to feel a bit sentimental about this laptop. It really represented a coming of age for me, and I guess this is one of those times when you want to roll your eyes at yourself for being so ridiculous. I'm sure I'll convince myself to get the new computer, eventually.

Plus, I need some new clothes. For fall/winter, etc. I've changed, in size, shape, and taste, so much since last winter. I actually surprised myself when I was looking at clothes earlier and was not at all tempted by the Product (Red) shirts that Gap has on clearance right now. I have no desire to wear any bottoms other than well-tailored wide leg slacks, and I kind of love having just a few good quality sweaters and button downs, rather than a ton of ill fitted t-shirts. I'm getting pickier...either that or I have better taste. Or a combination of both. :P Oh well. I do need a new watch, not sure where I'll end up getting one from though.

Anyway - I'm off to go finish my coffee and see if I can muster up some concentration for the rest of the evening. More later!
-Lindsey

Currently Listening
Sunday Morning
Maroon 5



I am probably the most relaxed I've been during any time over the past three weeks. Not that they've been bad, just an absolute whirlwind. I am really enjoying having a morning to sit here and just chill in the quiet of a Sunday morning at home. Despite the fact that I'm sitting here with earbuds, in my own little world...there's something particularly comforting by being surrounded by your family always. For better or worse. We've been through so much of the "worst" together, that these moments of better are always something to cherish. Despite any difficulties we may have right now, overall I must say...things are good. Life is good.

I finally finished my (incredibly extensive) training for my new job, as a sales associate for Le Creuset last Friday. Yesterday was my first day working with the customers, I really enjoyed it - selling is really my "thing." I'm not nearly as agressive as my supervisor, but I think I will be good at it and I definitely enjoy it. Now, I have the next four days off. I'm so very pleased. Time to rest, get caught up, and enjoy not working before I go back on thursday with sales goals and commission on the line. :P It's fun though...exciting.

Moreover, I like having money. I realized yesterday I have significantly more than I thought in savings, which I'm really pleased about. I'm just letting it collect up, not sure what I'll put it towards, maybe a summer class, or a trip somewhere. Or maybe I'll be thrifty and go three or four places. I definitely want to go to NYC, maybe visit my Aunt/Uncle, and Cousins in AZ over winter break (which happens to be rodeo break for them) and maybe go back to AR over spring break.

We'll see where life goes. I'm in no rush for anything at the moment, just enjoying every bit as it comes.

I come home every night wanting to create a myriad of exotic delicasies, and sinful desserts. :P I've already fallen in love with the product I'm selling, and am really enjoying experimenting, and enjoying cooking again. I bought a set of mixing bowls, which I should be able to pick up today - and I did break down and get that fondue that I really don't need. :P I don't regret it at all though, I think it'll be a fun piece to have.

Oh, and my new favorite website is quickly becoming 101cookbooks.com -- I'm not much of a meat eater, so it's really great organic/vegetarian meals and ideas. I'm not a vegetarian, just have always preferred meatless meals. I'm so excited to start building my collection of Le Creuset cookware (and my Mom's collection) to try some of these dishes. My first cast iron piece is going to be the wok, with a bamboo steamer...because I really want to make this recipe.

I finally broke down and bought some cufflinks yesterday - I didn't end up with the Tiffany ones yet, because I want to wait and be sure that this is going to be a worthwhile investment. So I got a pair of less expensive ones just to hold me over because the button links that came with my shirt are so damaged.

I guess I don't have much more to talk about - I had about a billion things whirling through my head 30 minutes ago when I started this post, but at this point I'm struggling for anything that would hold anyone's interest.

One more thing though...what is UP with the new MacBook pros? Are they serious? No firewire? I am actually looking into buying a macbook pro, however, I use my firewire all the time...what am I supposed to do in place of it? That doesn't even make sense...so now, I guess I either buy a refurb or...wait until Apple comes to their senses? This is just ridiculous...

More later, I'm sure. I intend to enjoy my days off, and blog lots.
-Lindsey

Currently Listening
Lie To Me
Daniel Powter



So, I officially love my new job. Period. End of sentence. Only one more working day and then I have fouuurrr days off to sleep lots, study more, and not pay exorbitant amounts of money for one meal so I can use Panera's wifi.

I'm beginning to build my Le Creuset collection on sunday and I'm SO excited. My collection will be in the Flame, Kiwi, and (Outlet Exclusive) Shiny Black.

I'll post more tomorrow...

At the moment, however, I'm in a bit of a debate with myself, because I've been wanting a fondue set since I started working at Le Creuset. I think it'd be a fun thing to have, and ours are particularly easy to use. My siblings would certainly get a kick out of it. And I can honestly see myself having a fondue party with my sisters, rather than like a "tea party" (gotta remember...I'm the cool sister.) but the only ones that we have at my store are Cherry Red (as opposed to my orange, lime green, and black cookware) sooo...I started looking online and after pages and pages of looking, finally found ONE Flame (orange) fondue pot, just the pot. I was ecstatic, but I'm not sure if it iwll fit in the stands we have. I'll have to find out tomorrow. I do want it desperately though, but am thinking it's probably a superflous expenditure.

Ah well, decisions decisions...

More tomorrow!
Lindsey

Currently Listening
Lost!
Coldplay



Life is pretty fantastic right now. Busy, and stressful, but fantastic.

Before I go into the past few days, there's been something I've been wanting to share for a while. I have people ask me this all the time, and I keep typing it out over and over and over again, so once and for all...this is it. This is my hope, my plans, my overriding "someday" goal for the future, as told to a friend of mine tonight. He got me started thinking about it, and I thought I'd post it once and for all. That way I can just refer back to this post when people ask.

I've always felt like my purpose in life was to make people feel accepted and loved, to give them a friend who would never judge them, and always be there, and a place where they could pursue their passions, and God-given gifts, without judgment, only support and encouragement. Somewhere of acceptance and friendship, in a very relaxed, chill atmosphere. I've also felt very strongly about supporting the arts.

So, my dream has always been to restore a historic house and convert it into bookstore/coffeehouse type of thing. That's not really what it is, but the best way I have to describe it. My working name for it is "The Passion Center" although that is definitely only a working name, and won't be the final name. I have pages and pages of notes, drawings, and plans for it. The left half will be filled with books, floor to ceiling, and free coffee, exotic teas, and hot chocolate, and the books will all be handpicked, the best of the best, meaty classics, inspirational and thought provoking best sellers, priceless antiques, and unbelievably compelling reference books.

The right side will have several round antique tables, with a mixture of modern decor to really give it a bohemian vibe, round tables to symbolize that no one is better than anyone else
and it will be a place for people to meet with friends, have book clubs, and study groups - where local bands can share their flavor and get exposure, local starving artists can have shows, and I can host lectures by really positive speakers, to help people find their passion, grow them, and develop them – all in a very warm, loving, accepting atmosphere.

The top level of the building will house my studio, for photography and artwork,
and my children will grow up in this free-spirited atmosphere, completely devoted to learning, and growing, and being creative, and accepting of anyone, no matter what, just like Christ would. A place that would be completely devoted to giving people a place to pursue whatever fulfilled them, and using their imagination. My friend compared it to "the closest thing God will allow to intellectual heaven on earth." but it's really not about academics, it's about, growing fruits of the spirit.

Maybe I'm an idealist, and maybe it will never come to pass...but it's important to me that I try, that I pursue and at least attempt to conquer.

I always have said, and continue to stand by the fact that I will not have a television in my living room when I get into my own place. I've always thought television was such a distraction from using your brain, and your imagination and your capability for creativity so, when I have children, my family will have a really nice, really expensive projector, and surround sound - and watching movies will be a cinematic experience, really spectacular, but rare, and special - because don't get me wrong, I appreciate good quality films. In fact, I'm a bit of a film buff myself. Not top-notch or anything, but I like to think I can appreciate a good variety of shows and movies. I will be the first to admit, however, that over the past few years I've watched a lot more television than I ever did growing up.

My siblings watch so much TV...and I remember, playing outside a ton when I was little.
My memories of being little are COMPLETELY integrated with my imaginary games
and I remember things so clearly that weren't even there: dreams, and adventures.
I associate memories with whatever adventure I was going on at the time with peter pan, or alice in wonderland, or undercover with my spy agency. I want to give my future children the same benefit. To be able to explore that world of just, being young, and innocent.

So, that's just a little of my optimistic hope for the future.

Moving on...the past week has been an absolute whirlwind. My grandmother was here staying with us for ten days, left yesterday. And I've been in the middle of transitioning between two jobs, and trying to stay on top of school. (Unsuccessfully.) I'm finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I think I'll be ok, provided I can make it through the rest of this week.

Alright, my mind is beginning to wander to all the things I need to do today. More rambling later.

-Lindsey

Currently Listening
Be OK
Ingrid Michaelson



Well, what a day yesterday. I am in an exhausted daze. While I did miss being able to enjoy the family outing, my first day of work at Le Creuset proved to be great, and very productive. I felt like I actually *did* something, and while the first few hours proved to be very comprehensive and overwhelming: it's challenging, fun, and I think I'll pick it up pretty fast. I get along with my coworkers really well so far. (There's only five employees with the entire store, and I worked with two of them, everyone's really great.)

The training program is pretty cool, actually - very unique. Rather than watching a billion videos about unions, and legal crap, they give you a workbook and a cast iron cookbook, and you get to research about all the different sizes/styles of cast iron cookware. It's really overwhelming, a lot of information to retain - but it's interesting and enjoyable, too. Especially for me, since I like to cook. Made me want to buy stuff and start cooking. (Too bad I don't get my employee discount for another month!)

My day today was somewhat less chaotic, at the moment I'm trying desperately not to fall off the kitchen stool while waiting for a cake to come out of the oven. Ah, there it is. More later.

Currently Listening
Hey World (Don't Give Up)
Michael Franti & Spearhead


Well, the past few days have been a whirlwind, and I continue learning how to maintain balance in a tortured, brilliant, grown-up world. Not to say I'm "there" yet...far from it, and that fact becomes more and more evident to me with every passing day. But I keep learning, and growing, and trying to be accepting of the fact that maybe I'm not as smart as I like to think sometimes.

So, let's see...where did I leave off my last post? Oh! The job. Well, after getting the call I found out that they wanted me to go in for a second interview that day. I went to the interview, and was very excited to be offered the position (at a higher rate than most part-time employees, no less.) --- it's a really great job, and I've been excited and maybe a little overeager. I did make a couple of key mistakes in taking my new job. Mostly relating to scheduling. Anyone who knows me well is aware of the fact that, while I really do enjoy studying, I'm sporatic in my diligence at best. Yes, I am working on it – and have improved greatly over the past year and a half or so, but it's a constant struggle for me, and I continue to learn new methods that help me to stay on top of things. This semester in particular has been a struggle, because I've been balancing my first job, with my last highschool classes. It seems like my mind is constantly spinning with everything that needs to be done. Study, work, laundry, and all of the things I want to do, and moreover, the fact that I actually enjoy spending time with my family and view them as a priority in my life.

.:: Five Hours Later ::.

Yeah, so...I ran off and didn't finish this blog post. Then I returned and had totally lost my train of thought. I have a headache.

But yeah - in essence, I'm disappointed that I will miss out on yet another family outing tomorrow, but conflicted because I'm excited about starting my new job. Yay! :D

So now I have to head off to work (Target work.) but...I shall return, and blog more. I have sooo much to do. But before I part...I have three things to say.

Check out Michael Franti & Spearhead. Their new album "All Rebel Rockers" is possibly one of the most amazing CDs ever, and I don't say that lightly about music. I'm actually going to see them in concert in November, which definitely says something as to their quality of music, because I don't go to concerts often.

New Ingrid Michaelson CD "Be Ok"!! I'm so excited.

I watched a movie last night, called Chocolat, which is undoubtedly going to be my November movie of the month - I was very impressed about how they were able to convey the level of passion and intensity, and dare I say: romance – without "showing anything." The characters are fun, and whimsical, and I love the end message. I was skeptical about what it was trying to get across about spirituality at first, but in the end...it was one of the best movies I've seen in a while. Really redeemed itself. Plus, you cannot beat Johnny Depp. Ever.

Anyway, more later!
-Lindsey

Currently Listening
I'm In Love With a Girl
Gavin DeGraw



Continuing on my theme from my last post...I am SO excited. I sent my resume in for a phenomenal job, which I feel I'm perfectly suited for. I'm hoping that the fact it's Tuesday and I've still heard nothing from them doesn't mean they aren't even going to interview me. Regardless, I have been seeking out new employment maybe something with better promotion opportunity and a little bit better pay for the amount of work I'm doing. It's exciting looking through all of the jobs on craigslist and knowing that they all might be life-changing for me. That at this point, the whole world is open to me. I'm in no rush though, I love the people at Target (well, for the most part) even if the pay isn't wonderful, and the communication through the ranks is pretty sucky.

On another, equally as excited note...

I can now buy sudafed!!

Hah, kidding...although I can. Actually I've been considering my options for a trip next summer. I'm very proud at how well I've been doing with saving my Money since I've started working at Target. (Although, I do owe my Grandmother some money from framing my parents anniversary gift.) As I continue to save, it's become clear to me that I want to go somewhere after graduation, before college. I have yet to decide whether I want to go to the Carribean, or Hawaii, or Europe, or South America...ahhhh too many choices!! Regardless, I am going somewhere.

I'd also like to take a short trip to NYC over winter break in February. Although I'm not sure if I can find someone to go with me. I am tempted to go alone, it's significantly cheaper if I do...and I adore traveling alone. The thought of wandering through museum after museum, and spontaneously popping in wherever I want is so appealing. My Grandmother, however, thinks that going on my own would be a bad idea the first time, that I should have someone with me. (Even if it's someone who's also never been.) I've been trying to weigh this suggestion with the fact that my Grandparents, and Parents, are all very protective. Don't get me wrong, I love this about them...and I do realize that I'm young and I don't want to jump into something unprepared. The other, more adventureous (and probably overconfident) part of me, says that I could handle myself fine, it would be an experience of a lifetime, an adventure. It would be a determining factor in whether I wanted to take a larger scale trip alone during the summer. Better to get lost four hours away, than in another country, right? I love wandering around places, with just my camera. Picking a bench to sit on and photographing people who pass for a while.

Not that it's an issue for a while, just lots of exciting things going through my head. I had to make a really tough decision over the weekend...whether to be a good, committed employee, or take the rare opportunity to spend time with my PaPa. In the end, he understood my decision to go to work - rather than the family outing with them. I really wanted to go with them, but I'd already taken a day off last week to get caught up with school, and I couldn't afford another. I don't particularly like my supervisor, but I don't want him to think badly of me either. (I don't really want anyone to think badly of me...ever...lol...maybe I still have my naive points?)

One thing I do love about working at Target is all of the people. I am discovering more and more that I am a people person. I'd gotten into a rut, but the more I get out, the more comfortable I am with striking up conversations with people at work, or going to sit next to them in the lunch room. And hey, I'm good at it..and people like me! Go figure. Anyway, I was sitting with one of the cashiers the other day, and we were chatting about the area and I asked how long she'd lived here, and it turns out that she moved from India less than a year ago to live with her parents and brother (who have lived here for eight years.) --- it was so cool to hear about her country, and what it was like making such a big move. She said that all of her friends still live in India, and have no intention of moving here. She's engaged, and her fiance is going to be here in December before Christmas, and she told me that if they have the wedding here she'd like to have me as her photographer. How cool is that? She also paints, which is really neat. I'm considering seeing if she wants to go into the National Gallery of Art with me since I don't have a lot of people around here to hang out with, either, and it's always neat to find people who value their families and art as much as I do. Just one example of the diversity of people I work with.

I've taken to the very odd habit of carrying around a little memo notebook with me everywhere I go, it's about 2"x 3" (I bought a package of five of them) and carry pens with me everywhere I go. That way, if I'm inspired I can immediately write it down, rather than following inspiration down the path of no return. Which seems to be detrimental to my study habits. Darn-you real life!! It has proven to be a really useful tool, though, because sometimes I'll just have an entire paragraph of a story pop into my head...and I'll take a "bathroom break" at work to go write it down. (Yeah, this means that I don't actually use the bathroom until my break. Which can be uncomfortable, at times. But anything for the sake of art, right?)

Anyway, just some random thoughts. I had a great weekend hanging out with the family. It's always nice to have my Grandfather here, even if he doesn't usually stay long.

OH MY GOSH...okay I'm sitting here writing this and my phone beeps that I have a voicemail. So I listen to it and I JUST got a call back for a second interview with the position I interviewed for last week. She wants to see me for a job interview TODAY! Thus ends my rambling I suppose...more later!! :D

-Lindsey

Currently Listening
This Time Tomorrow
The Kinks



I suppose it's about time for another blog post, despite the fact that no one seems to have read the last five or six...it's therapeutic for me. I think that a person's eighteenth birthday is definitely a just cause for reflection, introspection, good memories, and hope for the future. Which is exactly what I'm experiencing right now. I'm torn in this bittersweet conflict between feeling completely free, free of drama, free to explore this beautiful world...and a little bit nervous that maybe I missed out on something, maybe I'm not as prepared as I think I am. Perfectly natural feelings, I assume. Despite my few fears, I'm optimistic about my future and have lots of amazing opportunities on the horizon. But before going into the future, I want to highlight a few of the things from my past that have been on my mind lately. To remember and honor these memories, and people, very fondly.

First of all, my Mother is an incredible woman. She is an astounding role model, a great listener, and the most loyal of friends. We've been together through good and bad, and continue to enjoy (for the most part) sarcastically parading through life as the clones that we are. I've learned so much by following her example, and I'm so thankful to her for helping me to become who I am today. Because I'm proud to be who I am today, and that is due largely in part to her efforts and sacrifices over the past eighteen years. She has been chastising, supportive, devoted, loving, and trustworthy and I am so appreciative for all that she has given, and continues to give me.

One of the worst influences on my life, and the best confidants, has been my Grandmother. I tease, (of course) about her being a bad influence. She has broadened my mind and given me hope and encouragement that I can conquer anything, that I have a place in the world and it's something to be proud of. She has provided balance and alternate views on things, and questions about life that I never would have thought of otherwise. She's given me things to ponder, that have ultimately grown me into the person I am today. We've plotted, schemed, laughed, teased, loved, harassed, and generally wreaked havoc on the world for as long as I can remember...and I cannot imagine not having her in my life. It saddens and humbles me to know that some people don't have a phenomenal Grandmother (and friend) like mine, but it also causes me to value her that much more.

My Dad, what can I say? The past four years have had their ups and downs, but ultimately I couldn't imagine loving him more. Yet, each day he surprises me, and we grow closer, and reconcile differences, and I grow so much by having him in my life. When Mom decided to get remarried, I honestly didn't think that it could affect me as much or as positively as it has. A part of me had always felt cynical about the concept of a good husband and father in the modern world, but Dad has given me hope, and an abundance of love and understanding. While I may get slightly annoyed sometimes, I appreciate how much he loves me and how protective he is of me. (Which is really great when I need a guy kicked out of the house, lemme tell ya!)

I am also very proud to say that I will always be "PaPa's baby girl," and no matter how much time passes, and how many mistakes I make, I know that he'll always love me. (Even if I came in last in the spelling bee!) From sitting on his desk sharing TCBY, to "sneaking out" before Mom and Grandma got up on Mother's day to go strawberry picking, to his sometimes rude and grotesque (but nonetheless endearing) metaphors about life, I miss my PaPa so much when he's not around, and love and respect him more than I could say.

The one friend has been there, constant, as long as I can remember would be Grace. She's honestly more like a sister to me, despite how cliche that sounds. Whatever petty differences we have, I cannot imagine not being there for her. She's been through so much with me, and my family, and is pretty much a part of my family. We've survived adolescence together, somewhat unscathed, and somehow have managed to remain friends. (With minimal amount of drama, no less!)

Obviously there are tons of other people who I've been blessed by over the course of my life (Aunt Geri, Cassy, Fonseca, Mr. Pete...to name a few!) and it makes me feel so great to know that so many people love me, and support me, and care about the outcome of my life.

More later,
-Lindsey

Currently Listening
Are You Beautiful (On The Inside)
Chris Pierce

Currently Listening
Passion Play
William Fitzsimmons




I'm pretty proud of some of my recent work, and as always you can find more on my flickr.

Currently Listening
I Am Ready For Love
India.Arie



"I made the grave mistake of peeking behind the curtain, and now I can't pretend that I think the fantasy is the same as the reality. Plus, I've been killing time for too long. I wanna make something for myself, whether it's easy or not."


You can always tell when I'm insanely busy because I neglect my blog. Sad, but true. The past month or so has been busy and exciting and probably one of the best times of my life. (Which has left me in a frenzied stressed state trying to recover from it.)

One of the highlights of the past few weeks was my trip to Arkansas, where I was able to spend some time with family and some of my closest friends and attend Bop on the Lake. (An annual swing dance event held by the Little Rock Bop Club.) The trip, which I've been hyping about for months, undoubtedly lived up to expectation and more. I spent a night with one of my best friends, Grace, at her dorm -- enjoyed the peace of an internetless three day weekend in Hot Springs, where I pretty much danced dawn 'til dusk -- and spent a day with another old friend, Zach. (We ended up being on the 10:00 news, no less!) It was crazy, and relaxing, and amusing...and as much fun as I had, I was glad to get home.

Although as soon as I returned home from my amazing trip, I started having to deal with scheduling mixups at work yet again (which has lead me to begin my quest for new, and better employment) and didn't have the time I was expecting to get caught up in school. After a few crazed days of work and attempts to catch up in studying...another weekend was suddenly here and my friend Nathan, flew in from San Jose, California to spend a few days with my family. We had an amazingly fun weekend, hanging out in D.C., getting caught in the rain, and taking in a few good movies. (Gosh, it was friggin' awesome.) My friend Ron was also able to make it down from Pennsylvania for a few hours last Saturday, and we had a blast walking around historic Leesburg, and making fun of the "Town Art Show." Which ironically looked like something I would've participated in, had I known about it sooner.

So...those two summarized paragraphs have brought me to now, today. I'm still frantically trying to catch up in school, and trying not to stress out too terribly about it. All I can do is continue to work through classes and assignments...one foot in front of the other type of thing. I'm beginning to get excited about my Eighteenth birthday on the 10th (How convenient is it that it fell on a Friday?)...my Grandparents are flying in and my Mother has been torturing me with hints about some grand surprise.

My plans for the rest of today aren't particularly interesting: Laundry, Study, Chemistry Class, Work, Tests...that is, if I can keep myself focused. My mind keeps wandering to all the places I want to go, things I want to do, and people I want to see. Grand schemes of how to market my photography, raise money to take a trip out of the country, and lists run through my head constantly. "Remember to look up Driver's Ed courses." "Remember to look up how to get a Passport." "Buy Business Cards." "Order Photography Prints." and the list goes on...

So, rather than continue to ramble on and procrastinate - I think I'm going to get to it. Sorry that this post wasn't more interesting, but my life probably isn't that interesting to people watching at the moment. I'm pretty content with it, though, and that's what matters right?

Have a wonderful day - and try something new! :D More soon! (Hopefully!)

-Lindsey

Currently Listening
Viva La Vida
Coldplay



Do you have a homecoming date?
No. Do I have a homecoming? (No.)

When you are home alone do you still close the door when you shower?
Yes...

Do you like your life right now?
Yep.

Do you forgive and forget?
I forgive, and try to forget, and not regret. But I think even the most easily forgivable of offenses are unforgettable.

What time did you go to bed last night?
Hmmm...midnight-ish.

What did you do today?
Well today isn't over yet...but so far I've studied, played with Molly, made some eggs.

Is it cute when a boy calls you baby?
Hmm...not really.

Is there something that you haven't told anyone that you actually would like to?
Not that I can think of.

Who have you talked to today?
Mom, Dad, Molly, Sophie, Taylor, Grace...

Miss someone?
Yep.

What are you listening to right now?
TV Background noise...typing.

Where did your last hug take place?
Hmm...I guess that'd be Molly in the living room.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Dad

Who was the first person you talked to today?
Mom

Do you listen to your friends' advice when they give it to you?
Sometimes...although I guess not that often. I don't get much advice from friends anyway.

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Read for a little while.

What are you excited about?
Birthday, finding a new job.

What did you do last night?
Labeled stuff!! :D

Do you trust people?
Yes.

Could you go a day without eating?
Easily.

When was the last time something bothered you?
Yesterday.

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
Used to be a long time...but I dunno, now I like, pass out, immediately, no matter how early it is.

How long was your last phone call?
45 seconds or so.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?
Yes.

When is the last time you cried?
Hmm...Monday.

Are you a cuddler?
Sometimes.

Whats the reason behind your myspace song?
It's totally fun and catchy.

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Haha, yes.

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
No idea...

Is there a person of the opposite sex that means a lot to you?
Oh yes!!

Have you ever felt replaced?
Not really...lol.

When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?
Like five minutes ago? :P

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
Can and have.

Are you happy?
Yep, overall I am.

How is the weather right now?
Beautiful!!

Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)?
No, I wish.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
Heh...yeah.

What do you do on the weekends?
Depends on the weekend, sometimes I work, sometimes I study, sometimes I drive around town, hang out at the coffeeshop, take pictures.

Who sent you a myspace message last?
Ray

Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
My own.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Work, clean up, study, history class.

What are your plans for this weekend?
Dunno yet...probably studying.

Are you someone's best friend?
I think so...

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
An hour or so ago.

Currently Listening
I'd Rather Be With You
Joshua Radin



I like the concept of myspace bulletin posts because they --- unlike emotions, and memories --- go away after a while, and eventually disappear completely. From everyone's feed, from everyone's brain, from everyone's heart.

Wouldn't it be convenient if life were so easy, and predictable? That no one would hold a comment, or emotion against you. That the most embarassing moments of our lives, (while probably archived somewhere) could just be wiped from the face of the realm of awareness?

No way to retrieve the times we long for, but no pain from the times we'd much rather forget. Only today, right now, what's right in front of us -- or in our heads for tomorrow.

Yet with some things - the more desperately I want to forget...the more firmly I find myself clutching to the possibilities of going back to the way things were. Moreover, I don't want to pull away every time you touch my shoulder. Because I know that no matter how different things are...I would be discontent with the unchanging. Of course that only leads me to wonder if that truly leads to compatibility?

Some people just can't be acceptant of the constantly changing state of the world. As unbelievable as it may seem, I'm one of those people...masquerading as a bohemian artist. At least, that's how I feel sometimes. I think it's hard for us to know which of our selves is the true self. We continue to dig, and strive, and overanalyze every awkward moment and fleeting emotion.

No matter how many times I forgive myself, and find peace. I will always end up in a spiral of false guilt, for feeling the one emotion that I desperately want to avoid, towards one of the few most detrimental people. I think people mistake peace for a constant state, when really peace is more like a really expensive dessert. It's decadent, and luxurious and should be savored...but too much would only spoil us.

Despite all this, I am an optimist.